Author: lostboundries

Believing in myself

by lostboundries

I’m mabye being a little too optomistic here, but I think that mabye I could do all of this? I don’t really have a reason too be any more optomistic then I was disheartned yesterday. Regardless I’m going to try, I’m going to continue to try and do my best.

I made a little poem (because of coures i did) to go along with it.

A small pocket knife, is enough to cut down the box of doubts.

J.P

“I think I can do it,
taking what little courage I have and forming a small pocket knife.
That’s about all I can muster, but it is more than enough.
thinking you cannot do it is a surefire way to make sure, it never gets done.
believing in yourself is not always important, doing it is.
Against all odds, maybe even your own, a small pocket knife becomes enough to cut down that box of odds.”

what if it is all for not?

by lostboundries

I ask myself this a lot, in bed alone, at work, basically anywhere doing anything, this question lies in my mind. I really don’t have an answer to it.

I know that what I’m choosing to do is in some eyes stupid, I mean for those that did not know my dream is to live in a van (since the price of day to day coast is low and ya know travel), become a successful self-published author (my views of success are as follows: I can sell enough copies that, with the help of my barista side gig I can continue to live in my van and slowly transfer stores from place to place and maybe someday settle down.). I’d also like to be a traveling barista that has a website talking of each Starbucks I work at and some things in that area.

Do I think this is crazy yes! but I know for a fact this is what I want, right now I’m saving for the Van purchase and build. I’m still at a JC (I am going to finish before I start this hopefully, as I am a second-year now, but no promises.

The crazy part is I have not told my parents any of this, quite frankly I am afraid too. I don’t at all think they would be on my side. I’m currently building up a twitter following and a poetry collection so that I have something to show them. I really do want this, with just about every part of my being. I said almost because I still have my self-doubts, I know I will never be able to shake the fears but overtime hopefully they will go away or mitigate themselves.

I know I’m a bit crazy in thinking this (I don’t think so but you might) but I feel as if you have to be at least a little to get things done.

Bedtime

by lostboundries

When I’m lying in bed,

I’m in the centre

With the thoughts in my head Spread

Like puzzle pieces scattered

My dark thoughts make me nonexistent in the mess

only you really matter

Sitting in my heart

The clock ticks forward

Like a graceful snail

Your image is circles

My hurricane of thoughts

Other people’s words

Cut through me like a Knife

Blades been left too long near the fire

Facing the music is harder

Than playing your own

Prolong the talk with loved ones

Zoning out; escapism In my head.

I sit still, till suffering Turns to Solace.

I blink and it’s morning,

Sweat blankets me in my bed

My family all ask

“Why do you sweat”

But I’m afraid to Face facts.

Ive gotten through another day

With your voices in my head.

I didn’t want to change this peice, no imagery goes with it because there is no image for what was in my mind when I wrote this. I could almost say that what was in my head was nothing-ness, a craving for more to be there. only quelled by the thought of you, whether that’s in past remembrance or in current. I do miss you but I just won’t go back, mabye youll always haunt my dreams as a reminder.

The hatred I have built

by lostboundries

I just don’t know
I think I’ve hated you for a while,
It hid deep behind my fear of not loving you.
Drenched in a pool of anxious sweat,
bags under its eyes for not sleeping.
It wanted to be noticed,
I was afraid to give it that chance.
It is me.

this was and still is a moving on point for me. the time in my life that I can’t return too, this was i guess you could call it, a tome of pure rebirth or at least I tried my best for it too be.

coffee with a little honey

by lostboundries

coffee on an empty stomach makes anxious fumes, drinking such things helps us achieve our monstrous task.
we create honey because we are told, encouraged, and pushed towards it.
but that does not mean bees do not get tired, a little slurp from the beekeeper’s enticing mug goes a long way, starting on the right foot, a productive day.
Inside most cups of coffee are a little something sweet.
bees are no wiser than to eat the fruits of their labor

when I wrote this, I was thinking alot of how we eat alot of our capital that we work for, it often times gets thrown back into these big coorporations without ever having the worker see the benifits.

Bees

by lostboundries

bees sting without the fear of death

Why are we so scared to speak up and protect ourselves ?

But quick to sting for another’s sake?

I really relate this a bit to humans, we are so quick to defend others in an attempt to look like a human sheild or a maryter, it is alomst as if we protect others how we wish we were protected in the past?

my poetry blog

by lostboundries

this my poetry blog, where I will post lots of my peices of my poetry and alot here will end up in a book at one point or another.

I currently have a small following of 300 on twitter and about 60 on instagram (twitter: _jordan_pace , instagram: cloudy_morning_talk ) and i will keep this number up to date every 100. thank you for reading so far!

if I were the moon you’d most certainly be my sun. Your shine overshadows my body like stainless metal ring clasped over my wrist as if they were stolen from Saturn. you allow my dreams to soar as high as my imagination will take me. I day dream of you and our days together, our souls linked by the fire of our creation. But as the sun and the moon properly work we will always be chasing each other, truth be told, we are two sides of an ironic coin.

when I wrote this, I was feeling just the purest sense of butterflies. It felt as if this was my moment, but as the poem concludes, I kind of came down and saw what this might become, an Ironic coin.

loneliness v.s simply being alone (my personal experince)

by lostboundries

loneliness is a privilege not many can afford to experience. I would have not have felt this way at all if you had spoke to me about this even one month ago. But as of recent I find myself craving the alone time. where I can just think and be (rather) content on my own.but as I slowly start to see the world that I live in and those that inhabit it and think of them. As a society of humans we are very dependent on one another. so much so intact that we also feel alone and suffer physical and mental effects of loneliness.

Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible form of poverty. – Mother Theresa

Loneliness (which I have dealt with and still deal with) has run rampant for a large majority of my life. at times I felt as if I was victim to my own thoughts and memories, so self absorbed in looking down the timelines of things such as facebook and twitter. However what appeared as a more apparent problem was the fact that some of my memories from a bit of a ways back had seemed to somehow comeback front and center and were now somewhat more apparent then before. I found myself longing for human touch and feel, so much so to the point where I would do a lot of questionable things just to be around (unjust and wrong type for me) people. it felt as if I utterly needed there touch just to get through another day but that couldn’t be father (in my case).

Isolation is the one sure way to human happiness

-Glenn Gould

A man in isolation, free from the burdens other humans provide. is in a temporary paradise, stay too long and the thing you wish to get so far away from may end up becoming what you crave most. In isolation it is very easy to feel lost, hard to feel any sense of personal headway at all. there inlays where most people give up, deciding you need to work on yourself, pushing those toxic away is the easy part. In all that lies a more serious problem. the problem oof how will you manage to work on yourself all by yourself. most people just simply find a new click and change there outward appearance and try to act for as long as possible as if they’ve changed. In the process convincing themselves as well that they have done what they think they have. Spend any long term amount of time with that person and you will find they are no more different then when you first heard from them, rather, they might now be worse off, Having spent all that energy putting up a facade of sorts they have none to actually work on themselves.

What lies beyond “soul searching” as a simple saying? lots and lots of time looking into yourself, usually in isolation because if you spend all your energy in pursuit of a higher sense of self, most often then not, You have very little energy to spend on anyone else.

The act of Isolation and being alone while not for everyone. Is (In my opinion) extremely rewarding and as mentally sound as practices can be. it rewards me with a strong sense of self, as well as quite frankly giving me the needed rest I must have from people in order to pursue another day.