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A little bit of a life update

by lostboundries

So for those of you who read this blog whenever I happened to post I am sorry, I got caught up in school and life and now that school is over I want to go back to using this as was originally intended. As a place to dump my thought. Now, I won’t lie, This year was a bit wild. ride. I mean I completely changed at least on the surface and some of me changed fundamentally as well. I just remember working out harder than ever during the summer, really emmbrassing that loneliness that I was trying to run away from and changing. I spent so much time by myself I often forgot to ask people to hangout, it never registered. I got what I wanted, I grew so much but I also developed a huge ego about myself. I however, don’t blame myself as it was more or less required for me to be comfortable being alone all this time. That, nonetheless would slowly ruin things. It was hard readjusting myself to help people and more over care about them and accept that maybe I was wrong on a few things.I had a large ego and as I write this I am working to develop a strong, rather malleable ego. One that can accept when it is wrong and work to understand and grow rather than one that falls back and tries to prove that it is right. I ceartinly do not want to go back to how I was before but at the same time, I do not want to stay stagnant or revert to how I was.

I also finished up the semester, It was pretty rough but I finished. There was so much that I did not understand but I still tried my best and I think I made it out ok. There were a few things that I wish could have and should have gone differently but regardless, it is over and I should work on today and the present because that is all there is and all that there ever will be.

The loneliness epidemic

by lostboundries

It’s not that I feel completely lost or even scared of how my life is going. I mean if I am being honest it isn’t completely bad. However, I do have a severe lack of decent connections and I have an abundance of superficial connections with people. also for an update, I have finished college and am now transferring to my local university to be able to get my degree and hopefully better my life.

Right now I am trying to make more connections but I also feel it is alot harder when your pool of friends isn’t to big but it is also not too small. sorry this is such a short update. it just feels good to write something

LostBlog#8

by lostboundries

LIES


I am not talking of the type who tells lies for their own benfit or justification, I am talking of the one who lies to better the ones they are lying too. a marytar in some sense.
We don’t talk of those who gladly die on a hill for our betterment and I think we should.
People should always know they are loved, But, espically those that do things in our blind spot.
Thodo that do things that we can’t, or won’t ever see
Those people are amazing and need to be respected,
Like everyone, they are trying and doing everything they can to improve.

How much do your dreams weigh?

by lostboundries

Now I don’t mean in literal terms, no no and plus most likely everyone’s dream would weigh far to much. I mean in a metaphorical sense.

What does your dream mean? represent? and most of all what’s it’s adherent worth to you?

For me, my dream is still to live in a van and be free coupled with happiness, but in really getting to the bottom of why ,I was confronted with options. Options to leave what life I was in and start a new one of uncertainty, Truth be told, that scared me. Maybe I should have done it and maybe I was right to just not go. We will never be able to find out who was right or wrong because only one was chosen in the end, and that’s OK.

Finding a reason that makes sense to have your dreams wait is often times a sensible thing to do. That does not mean However, that your dreams weigh a smaller amount, it might just be as simple as playing your hand at an opportune time.

My dreams weigh as little as being reminded about them every time I see a van-life video on YouTube, but about as much as to keep me up at night because I have not yet achieved them. I am kept up by a exciting nervousness fuels me with energy and purpose.

Social distancing Mental health tips

by lostboundries

The main article I will be talking about in question

https://www.pih.org/article/10-mental-health-tips-coronavirus-social-distancing

With the recent illiness taking away most peoples ability to do almost anything. I, myself find it easy to stay calm and sane. Being an introvert all my life, this has allowedd me to explore things in my life like no other.

There are a set of tips that, despite my belief that they Will be useful to you at all. They are as follows

  1. 1) Social distancing does not mean emotional distancing; use technology to connect widely;
  2. 2) Clear routines and schedule, seven days a week, at home—don’t go overboard;
  3. 3) Exercise and physical activity, daily if possible;
  4. 4) Learning and intellectual engagement—books, reading, limited internet;
  5. 5) Positive family time—working to counter negativity;
  6. 6) Alone time, outside if possible, but inside too; but remember, don’t isolate;
  7. 7) Focused meditation and relaxation;
  8. 8) Remember the things that you really enjoy doing, that you can do in this situation, and find a way to do them;
  9. 9) Limit exposure to TV and internet news; choose small windows and then find ways to cleanse yourself of it;
  10. 10) Bathe daily, if possible, to reinforce the feeling of cleanliness.

Now the rules above are from the article provided, But I will be discussing them and hopefully changing them to adjust my (and maybe your) life in quarantine.

1.Social distancing does not mean emotional distancing; use technology to connect widely.

This rule is so important and useful, while in this time of staying couped up and rather stagnate in terms of physical moment. it is so important to talk to family and friends as much as possible, But also understand not to overdue it

Clear routines and schedule, seven days a week, at home—don’t go overboard;

This tip shouldn’t be just a tip, it should be apart of a rule-set. This essential to this homebody way of life. It helps you keep sane when it can be all to easy to go insane

Exercise and physical activity, daily if possible;

This one should honestly Just become a daily ritual for all. I love working out, But it very well isn’t for everyone. I do believe even little physical activity is better then nothing.

Positive family time—working to counter negativity;

For this one I have found that I have been relaxing with family far more then I usually would. I love my family but have bot always been the most family bound person, recently that has changed. I believe that this is a cornerstone of staying sane. Even if you aren’t around family, being around people in general but not all the time. Like professor oak says, theirs a time and place for everything.

Learning and intellectual engagement—books, reading, limited internet;

This one, ill be honest. Is not a very big strong suit for me aha. I do try to learn a good bit of things and I have made a conscious effort of trying and learning more. It is hard to learn a skill but, if you can. It is definitely worth it.

Alone time, outside if possible, but inside too; but remember, don’t isolate;

This one has just kinda been my lifestyle in life. I wish this was an easy thing for all of us to do, but sadly it is not and for some it is easy and, for some staying alone drives them stir crazy. Either way I think we will all be OK without a doubt.

I’m choosing to end this with #6 for various reasons, I have realized that not everything on this list needs my take on it. But remember

No perfect man wears armor

so maybe not all of these tips will be useful but hopefully some will go up in your brain

It’s been some time

by lostboundries

SO I know it has been awhile, I’m not expecting anyone to be here or even reply or comment. Just focusing on getting back into the groove of things when it comes to blog post.

So in the time I have been absent and away. I have released a poetry collection called “perfectly Imperfect”, My online presence has only grown, and for the most part, I am far more happy then I have been in awhile.

I deffintely felt myself getting tired when I hit around 1k on twitter, that was a goal I really wanted and was striving for really hard so when I got it. Honestly I found myself a bit exhausted.

Now that I have released my first poetry collection (Already working on the next). I most ceartinly feel a fire inside of me to do more and make more. Above all else, to simply learn more.

“Perfectly Imperfect” Is a collection of poetry relating to how I (And sometimes others) deal with Love,Loss,Growth, and Inspiration

I also want to leave you all with a poem I have recently wrote, let me know if you enjoy!

I’ve found you, the pages of my life stopped to highlight your beauty.

The sun & the moon stopped in their rotation to watch you.

Star born lovers, a kindle betwixt them.

But none shall utter a word, the idle tide grows disturbed between them.

But Every time I’ve closed my eyes to faraway lands.

I have found you again & again. 

Forever & Always 

-J.P

the fear of expectation

by lostboundries

the fear of expectation (for me) can be summed up in this poem.

“to some, my biggest challenge is nothing more then stepping over a small mole hill.

But to me, it is akin to crossing a casyim, continents. The only thing between me and the otherside, what fills all the space.

Self hatred” -J.P

now for me what is my biggest challenge right now is just having a talk and telling my parents I would like to take a break. there are plenty of problems in doing so.

1.”Isn’t that a little entitled?”

True, it kinda is, I mean it is not as if i pay for almsot anything, I don’t pay for my car (I do pay for gas and whatnot). I do not pay rent (although….I have been living in this house since i was 10 and now I’m 20), I buy alot of my own food so I can’t really use that one for either side. the last entitled thing would be that I get all my money (or most) refunded back to me by my parents that I spend on school. minus my textbooks that I bought this semsester (half of which i have not used).

2.”What do you plan to do”

sometimes, I draw blanks but, I would want to build a van to travel around in,Be a published poet, and being a traveling Barista. I don’t think it is that much of an offshot but sometimes I do, sometimes I do find myself thinking “what If I can’t do it”. I am worried of that but I will allow myself to be scared and nervous but go onward ever so steadily. If I don’t do it (and i am passionate and interested) I feel I will be mad at myself later down the road.

3.”how would you make money?”

honestly that’s a good question, however, I would make money by Being a barista which is obviously a job, upkeep for a van (unless the car itself has issues) is realtively inexpensive. Just the buy in is rather high (I”d imagine 8-10k) and hopefully being a published poet would slowly start to bring in some revnue.

So there you have it, I think those are the main concerns among others but even still those are what I think to be the most prominent.

Believing in myself

by lostboundries

I’m mabye being a little too optomistic here, but I think that mabye I could do all of this? I don’t really have a reason too be any more optomistic then I was disheartned yesterday. Regardless I’m going to try, I’m going to continue to try and do my best.

I made a little poem (because of coures i did) to go along with it.

A small pocket knife, is enough to cut down the box of doubts.

J.P

“I think I can do it,
taking what little courage I have and forming a small pocket knife.
That’s about all I can muster, but it is more than enough.
thinking you cannot do it is a surefire way to make sure, it never gets done.
believing in yourself is not always important, doing it is.
Against all odds, maybe even your own, a small pocket knife becomes enough to cut down that box of odds.”

what if it is all for not?

by lostboundries

I ask myself this a lot, in bed alone, at work, basically anywhere doing anything, this question lies in my mind. I really don’t have an answer to it.

I know that what I’m choosing to do is in some eyes stupid, I mean for those that did not know my dream is to live in a van (since the price of day to day coast is low and ya know travel), become a successful self-published author (my views of success are as follows: I can sell enough copies that, with the help of my barista side gig I can continue to live in my van and slowly transfer stores from place to place and maybe someday settle down.). I’d also like to be a traveling barista that has a website talking of each Starbucks I work at and some things in that area.

Do I think this is crazy yes! but I know for a fact this is what I want, right now I’m saving for the Van purchase and build. I’m still at a JC (I am going to finish before I start this hopefully, as I am a second-year now, but no promises.

The crazy part is I have not told my parents any of this, quite frankly I am afraid too. I don’t at all think they would be on my side. I’m currently building up a twitter following and a poetry collection so that I have something to show them. I really do want this, with just about every part of my being. I said almost because I still have my self-doubts, I know I will never be able to shake the fears but overtime hopefully they will go away or mitigate themselves.

I know I’m a bit crazy in thinking this (I don’t think so but you might) but I feel as if you have to be at least a little to get things done.

The hatred I have built

by lostboundries

I just don’t know
I think I’ve hated you for a while,
It hid deep behind my fear of not loving you.
Drenched in a pool of anxious sweat,
bags under its eyes for not sleeping.
It wanted to be noticed,
I was afraid to give it that chance.
It is me.

this was and still is a moving on point for me. the time in my life that I can’t return too, this was i guess you could call it, a tome of pure rebirth or at least I tried my best for it too be.