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So it is febuary

by lostboundries

I know what I said, But first off, welcome to February and Black History month. With a new month comes new opportunities and (hopefully) less challenges. In this month I have started My last semester of school, I did have a winter session class so sadly there was little to no winter break for me but that was ok. I (hopefully) got accepted into my college and am on my way to a bachelors degree in communication. This has definitely been a long road and a long time coming but I am just grateful that I am even hear along for the ride.

I am currently signed up for 5 classes, but the 5th is actually just more busy work than anything so I do not really mind. I was very much scared of two classes, I was scared of my Spch 120 class (I had her last semester and am afraid that because of that she will discount me,) as well as my Psyc 205 (Math is my worst subject) surprisingly my math class is being set up to be one of my best math classes I have ever taken and I am really looking forward to it.

However, even with all the luck I have, I know I will still have many doubt filled nights ahead of me where the questionability of what I am doing will come into play. I know I can do this I am just not ready to ask myself at what cost.

That is all for now, here’s to us talking again before February’s end.

How I have been (what’s been going on)

by lostboundries

So, I hope you are all well but to be quite honest, I know 2021 is a bit rocky so the last thing I wanna do is take up your time incase you need yo get your affairs in order.

In brief, I have to get a Operation done on my head to replace my shunt.

What that means (longer explanation) is that I have to have my shunt from my AVM (Brain bleed) which has a 10% (added) every year to close up from scar tissue. For me, it has been 7 yrs since I have gotten the first one and have never replaced it. This means it has been 7 years of a added 10% chance (so in total 70%) of it not yet failing. I should also mention that if I do not get the surgery I will most likely die because then I will have an 80% chance it will fail and well, that will lead me to die. So, it must be said that this is kind of mandatory as far as surgery goes.

It has not really bothered me that I have to have this done, I mean it could be a lot worse haha. I could not currently be compensating for the lack of function of the current shunt and could be in a coma or worse for all I know (and yes, that means technically, any moment that could happen).

I am pretty thankful for this happening, I mean, I would not be where I was, I would not have made all the strives that I have. I also would definitely not know any of you and quite frankly that would make me sad.

I cannot control what happens throughout the day, only how I react to every given situation

2020 Recap, Good and bad

by lostboundries

Hello everyone, Long time no see tight? Look, I understand that this year has been abysmal at best. But, there can be good through hell fire, not much good (considering how this year went but still).

I’d have to Imagine, nobody went through 2020 and remained the same in every way. This year was rough. But, that may still come to make a better ending then imagined.

In this year alone I have personally: Lost my closest friend, went to the bottom (in terms of depression), Been in isolation for a year now (wow it has been that long?), and gone through the shit show that was my fall semester at school.

But, I have also: Found an unperilled amount of love and joys and passion, Learned to love silence and being alone, Found hope and faith in places I no longer cared to look, and over all just found peace.

I also started Anti-depressants, for what it’s worth (it is still pretty early on) they have proved to be very useful in my life and helped in putting the final block (I think) for my mental health.

Ao yes, this year was pretty shit, but there is never light without darkness and vice versa. I hope you will tell me about your life as well, I will see you soon.

Finding light in darkness (LostBlog#7)

by lostboundries

(Personal Experience)

I have found that depression Has created a orb of darkness that I am encompassed in, but while inside I can see the light shinning all around me.
Darkness is a orb that lets nothing shine in, at first I didn’t like it but I have been enveloped in it for so long that I find it comforting.
I suppose I find it comforting because I can work in it, I can feel it and it has gotten to the point where it does not phase me anymore to be sad.
Although, the shine of light is strong and vivid. I love it so much and feel good from just basking in it.

Even in an orb of darkness, I can still stretch the legs of light