self Improvment

Waking up and realizing how far you have walked

by lostboundries

So, a few days ago I really looked at my life. all of my achievements and failures. How far I have come and where I have come too, also how far I still have to walk.

It honestly became quite hard not to smile, by all accounts I should be dead and I will explain that in a bit.

In 2014, I had a brain injury (AVM to be exact) and it should have killed me. I don’t know what kept me alive but we will call it a miracle. Seeing as how I just got accepted into college (yes, I transfered from a JC) I took this chance just to see how far I have walked.

At this point, the most vivid thing I remember is being told that I may want to consider entering the special Olympics as a way to continue sports (since they had been such a big part of my life). I personally was (and still kinda am) disgusted by that idea. For me, that was never an option and I was going to get back to being able to do things (like run track) by any means necessary. Personally I do not recommend this as a plan of attack, it works but most people cannot stomach that level of failure, I will just be blunt and say I put myself through much more then your average 14 yr old goes through.

The funny part is, even when I finally did it and was able to get to where I wanted…. turns out somewhere along the line I had lost all interest in sports. I did however gain a burning love for fitness in general (it was prob also because this was kinda destructive for me) and that has been with me ever since. I blazed through my recovery in about 2 months and was able to start as a freshman the same time as everyone else which surprised everyone including my doctors that I was that determined after almost dying.

I even went as far as too completely throw away my IEP (a thing to help students with “disability’s”) and refuse to take advantage of or even use it in my whole time at high-school. Looking back, this was all kinda stupid and I should have taken a bit more time. I understand why I did it but still it was unnecessary and painful, Very Very painful.

But, it’s my life. It’s funny, its full of mistakes, but, it got me to where I am and that makes me smile.

The future only matters once its close enough to reach, once it finally is, it is already the present.

Finding light in darkness (LostBlog#7)

by lostboundries

(Personal Experience)

I have found that depression Has created a orb of darkness that I am encompassed in, but while inside I can see the light shinning all around me.
Darkness is a orb that lets nothing shine in, at first I didn’t like it but I have been enveloped in it for so long that I find it comforting.
I suppose I find it comforting because I can work in it, I can feel it and it has gotten to the point where it does not phase me anymore to be sad.
Although, the shine of light is strong and vivid. I love it so much and feel good from just basking in it.

Even in an orb of darkness, I can still stretch the legs of light

Finding piece (Personal Experience) LostBlog #5

by lostboundries

Recently as you know I have been going through the motions and really becoming a better person.
All and all just affirming my beliefs and molding myself in this time of crisis. I as a person have found what grounds me, it feels like i’m a bit closer to maintain being whole.
while it is a battle I will never win, it Is a battle I try to be a participant in.
I guess my goal was never to actually win, just get both sides to work together in some way.
For any person who’s ever been at odds with someone, you know that that is a very hard thing and likely not to happen.
Personally I feel as if I have really found my love for poetry again, actually here is something I recently wrote.

“Why do we praise the same thing

Truth and trust over all,

Believing in one another is “key” but we let our beliefs be judged by different screens

But there all looking at the same out come, so many diffrent opinions I’m starting to wonder is life worth living if you don’t have one?

It’s what they all want

You must have something to share

Diffrent options on the ones who are controlling our life

Let’s all share!

But while we’re out giving our peace and our two cents

They’ve got a buck fifty

Nice shiny quarters put our cents to shame” -J.P

Refining a drive for something I truly love has made all my task far less daunting then originally thought to be.
I’m finding task that I would usually find boring and I would slack off, much more doable and I for one am ready to do them.
Nothing in this world last forever, so I know this feeling is fleeting.
But while I have a hold of it, I will use and nurture it so that next time it may last a little longer.