Believing in myself

I’m mabye being a little too optomistic here, but I think that mabye I could do all of this? I don’t really have a reason too be any more optomistic then I was disheartned yesterday. Regardless I’m going to try, I’m going to continue to try and do my best.

I made a little poem (because of coures i did) to go along with it.

A small pocket knife, is enough to cut down the box of doubts.

J.P

“I think I can do it,
taking what little courage I have and forming a small pocket knife.
That’s about all I can muster, but it is more than enough.
thinking you cannot do it is a surefire way to make sure, it never gets done.
believing in yourself is not always important, doing it is.
Against all odds, maybe even your own, a small pocket knife becomes enough to cut down that box of odds.”

what if it is all for not?

I ask myself this a lot, in bed alone, at work, basically anywhere doing anything, this question lies in my mind. I really don’t have an answer to it.

I know that what I’m choosing to do is in some eyes stupid, I mean for those that did not know my dream is to live in a van (since the price of day to day coast is low and ya know travel), become a successful self-published author (my views of success are as follows: I can sell enough copies that, with the help of my barista side gig I can continue to live in my van and slowly transfer stores from place to place and maybe someday settle down.). I’d also like to be a traveling barista that has a website talking of each Starbucks I work at and some things in that area.

Do I think this is crazy yes! but I know for a fact this is what I want, right now I’m saving for the Van purchase and build. I’m still at a JC (I am going to finish before I start this hopefully, as I am a second-year now, but no promises.

The crazy part is I have not told my parents any of this, quite frankly I am afraid too. I don’t at all think they would be on my side. I’m currently building up a twitter following and a poetry collection so that I have something to show them. I really do want this, with just about every part of my being. I said almost because I still have my self-doubts, I know I will never be able to shake the fears but overtime hopefully they will go away or mitigate themselves.

I know I’m a bit crazy in thinking this (I don’t think so but you might) but I feel as if you have to be at least a little to get things done.