So I want to let you all know a few things, well mainly one in particular and I am sorry I am sending this so late into the night

I am autistic, I have Aspergers. This is nothing new, this was actually told to me after I was released from the hospital when I was first diagnosed with depression when I went to see a therapist. (This was right after my brain injury so sorry if there was any confusion there)

Now, from what I understand Aspergers is “High functioning autism. Not that I fully understand that or really get it but hey, it’s there. I suppose it is kinda like being diagnosed with high functioning depression.

It has never really bothered me but I think that is because I never really gave it the chance to speak. I never really tried to understand anything that happened in my life at that point. I mean can you blame me? I was 14.

It was not until recently that I actually decided to do the soul searching and read into how I felt about the things that happend 7 years ago. I guess it was because I never wanted to accept this new reality, I wanted to continue to fabricate this world in where I never had a brain injury and everything wasn’t different and I could just continue as two separate people. One who had everything stripped away, and one who was continuing to cling to a fantasy that never really existed.

I’d argue that having to come to terms with the fact that I am autistic has made me an even stronger person than before. I’ve been watching a YouTube’r by the alias “Paige Laye” and to be completely honest, she made me remember what the doctor had said to me. Her videos are very informative and she really seems like she is trying to do this only to help people and out of the kindness of her heart.

To get into my therapist though… he was downright horrible and quite frankly I don’t know how he got into the field. I have a much better therapist now and someone I very much trust and like working with and have worked with for almost 5 years now. wish that woman nothing but the best.

But yes, I am autistic and I just want to make that loud and clear, a-lot of it makes sense but a-lot of it is also rather confusing and weird. it’s still quite a-lot to navigate but I feel like if I down let this out then I will just continue to spiral and spiral.